Feeling drained from dating apps? You may be experiencing burnout

Online Dating Fatigue Persists Despite Technological Advances

Many individuals trace their successful romantic encounters to online dating applications. However, an equally considerable number experience significant exhaustion from the ceaseless cycle of interactions on these platforms, a phenomenon now termed "dating app burnout." Marilyn Espitia, a 31-year-old Californian freelance photo editor and photographer, encountered this fatigue firsthand. Despite initially meeting her child’s father on OkCupid during her college days, today, as a single parent for the past three years, she pauses her activity on Hinge when overwhelmed. Espitia describes this process as becoming “overwhelming.”

Licensed clinical psychologist Yasmine Saad highlights that dating app fatigue is prevalent. Between 80% to 90% of her clients report similar feelings. Saad explains the root of this burnout lies in the investment-reward imbalance inherent in online dating. Such imbalances often lead to hopelessness and low self-esteem. Kathryn Coduto, an assistant professor at Boston University, notes that this burnout predates the mobile app era, dating back to platform-based sites like eHarmony and Match.com. Today, ubiquitous connectivity amplifies this fatigue, with pandemic-related "Zoom fatigue" exacerbating the issue.

Consistent Usage Amidst Pandemic and Fatigue

Despite the burnout, dating app usage has remained relatively stable. Reports indicate that about 30% of U.S. adults have used an online dating site or app as of July 2022, mirroring figures from 2019. Although there was a rise in new user downloads early in the pandemic, the significant increase in usage stemmed from existing users spending more time on these apps during lockdowns, fueling continued feelings of loneliness.

Jennifer Stavros, a freelancer in Los Angeles, reflects on her mixed experiences with platforms like Tinder, Hinge, and OkCupid. She frequently encounters conversations that fizzle out, impacting her optimism. Others emphasize that the nature of endless swiping can lead to a dehumanizing experience, making users feel like they are shuffling through a card deck. Yumei He, an assistant professor at Tulane University, mentions that negative experiences such as ghosting can erode trust in these platforms, pushing users to prioritize their wellbeing over continued use.

Navigating Burnout and Addressing Discrimination

Diverse populations may face unique challenges on dating apps. Women, genderqueer individuals, and racial and ethnic minorities often encounter harassment or fetishization, which can lead to trauma and mistrust of these platforms. To combat such issues, several companies are implementing protective features. Hinge introduced "Hidden Words" to filter undesired interactions, tailored for vulnerable groups. Grindr has also taken steps to enhance user safety, including alerts for potential threats and a free incognito mode in certain areas, addressing specific risks faced by LGBTQ+ users.

Despite these safety concerns and the prevalence of burnout, innovation within dating apps continues. Dating platforms like Bumble, Tinder, and Hinge have launched new features intended to foster more meaningful connections and reduce burnout. AI is playing a growing role, from identifying harmful messages to offering users date ideas and improving matchmaking algorithms. Anindya Ghose from NYU's Stern School of Business believes that while these technologies hold promise in alleviating burnout, transparency will be crucial.

Marilyn Espitia remains hopeful that technological advancements could enhance her dating experience, reflecting a broader desire for love among users. “We’re in this new age of finding love,” she remarks, recognizing the potential for technology to fulfill this fundamental human need.